It is Probably No Surprise

that people have widely diverging concepts on what constitutes friendship. Some individuals (introverts -- not to be confused with shyness) only want one or two friends. These friendships are often extremely close.

Other people (extroverts) claim to have large numbers of friends. However, upon investigation one normally finds that most of their contacts would be described as acquaintances.

At some point in life all of us become involved in friendships. Therefore, it is important to be aware of what the Bible has to say about this issue. Our longing is that friendship will be rewarding but this is not necessarily the case. Job had such an experience. When tragedy struck three of his friends came to visit him. For seven days they sat silently with him not saying a word (Job 2:13). They then began to give him all sorts of advice based on incorrect hypothesis. In time their visit became such a burden to Job that he complains about them laughing at him (12:4), scorning him (16:20), turning against him (19:13), forgetting him (19:14) and detesting him (19:19). What should have been an encouraging visit only intensified his agony!

King Solomon had some comments to make about the causes of problems between friends. He states that gossip can separate friends (Prov 16:28). He also contends that it is important to forgive each other because "dwelling on it (the issue) separates close friends" (Prov. 17:9). Solomon then graphically compares a so called friend who lies to us with a madman with a deadly weapon (Prov 26:18-19).

Sometimes people make false claims of friendship. King David describes this kind of situation when he says "They visit me as if they were my friends, but all the while they gather gossip, and when they leave, they spread it everywhere" (Psa 41:6). In other situations "friends" may turn against us. In the same psalm David states "Even my best friend, the one I trusted completely... has turned against me" (Psa 41:9). In fact there are some "friends" "who destroy each other" (Prov 18:24).

What then are the characteristics of a good friend? First of all they will not speak evil about you (Psa. 15:3). That is they will not divulge inappropriate information. Next, according to Solomon friends will give good advice (Prov 12:26). Beyond that they are incredibly loyal (Prov 17:17). They are always there in time of trouble --- they will never abandon you (Prov 27:10).

Now some may say “I do not have a friend.” If you are a believer in Christ Jesus that can never be the case. David in one of his psalms states "The Lord is a friend to those who fear him. (Psa 25:14). Jesus told his disciples "I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me." (John 15:15).

All of us desire good, trustworthy, dependable friends. Hopefully, we will find them although on an earthly level we may be disappointed by so called "friends". Solomon makes a profound statement "Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?" (Prov 20:6). How true! Thankfully though, as believers in Jesus we have a totally dependable friend — one who has promised to always be with us (Mat 28:20).

Copyright. Bruce February 2006

Note: All quotes taken from the New Living Translation Second Edition.